If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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