1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
