there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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