hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
