FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
