But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
