I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
