It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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