I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
