i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
