Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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