Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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