never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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