I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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