I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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