im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
