i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize