Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
