you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize