I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
