I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it penis luge time yet?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
