I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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