I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
