I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
