just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I did not marry a roomba.
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