I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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