Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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