I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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