I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
