Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
