I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
