help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
