i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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