I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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