I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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