How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
