What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
