Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
