do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
