I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
