New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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