My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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