hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
