I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
