I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
