the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
