i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
