Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
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DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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