You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
