Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
