I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
