his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
