on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
thus making me awesome and them whores
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
