She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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