last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
