so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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