they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
