One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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