If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My first STD was from a foam party
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
