I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
