this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
