my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
