my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
