yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
