so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
