My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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