i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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