Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
