You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
