I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
