woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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