I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
