I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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