And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize