We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
