The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
