I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish my penis had an off switch
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
