sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
