Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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