I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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