I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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