please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
