i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
