I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Randomize
